He walked slowly up the stairs. He didn’t really want to go into that room. He didn’t want to face them. But he had nowhere else to go. It was dark, cold and the Jews may be out for more blood. What a difference a few hours had made. It seemed like just minutes ago that he’d left this upper room with his buddies and the Teacher. He could still smell the aroma of the roasted Lamb, he could still see the Teacher’s shadow in the distance as he prayed. How could he have fallen asleep? If only he’d known.

He tried to open the door quietly, but the rusty hinges gave him away. The others in the room looked up when he entered. Not one said a word. The air had been filled with celebration earlier, but now it was heavy, full of grief and sadness.

He found a corner and slid down the wall. He buried his face in his hands. He began to cry again. This time, there were few tears left. He sensed a shape near him and heard John’s voice.

“Did you hear about Judas?” John’s face was full of grief and fear when he looked up.

“They got Judas too?”

“No,” there was a heavy pause, “he hung himself.”

Peter placed his face back in his hands “When will it end?”

He may have slept a bit. If so, it would be the first sleep he’d had in two days. But his rest was shattered by a rattling gate. Instantly everyone was up. They were here. At any moment soldiers could break through.

John looked carefully through the drawn window. “It’s only Mary. Let her in.”

Mary bust through the door. She was breathless from running and could barely speak.

“He’s not there. The tomb. He’s gone. They took his body!”

Peter broke through the crowd. “What are you talking about?” He demanded.

“I went to the tomb to mourn. The stone was rolled away. The tomb was empty Peter!”

Peter hesitated to try to understand. Then he bolted from the room and ran down the steps. He hurried through the streets. ‘It couldn’t be,’ He told himself. When he and John got to the tomb it was just as Mary had told them. The grave clothes lay in a neat pile. The small room smelled of fresh burial spices. But there was no one there.

Peter’s mind was racing. He was angry at the Jews for taking his body. But what if they hadn’t taken it? “What if….NO! I saw him die.” He got back to the room before the others returned. He didn’t know what to make of things. So many questions. What was it he said? The Son of Man must be lifted up? What did he mean? Where was his body?

A thousand other questions went through his mind when suddenly the cool, dark room was warm and full of light. He looked up to see the Teacher. Peter fell to his knees and hung his head. A hand reached down and pulled him to his feet. The Teacher gently lifted Peter’s head so that he could see his eyes.

Peter didn’t understand completely, but looking into Jesus’ eyes he knew everything would be okay.

May each of us be reminded on this Resurrection Weekend that it doesn’t matter what you have done. There is nothing in your past, present or future that can keep you from experiencing the life-changing love and forgiveness of Jesus Christ. Find a house of worship this weekend and make or renew a decision to follow Him completely.

In an earlier post I described how relationships should never be taken for granted. They are hard work. They require patience and giving up of rights. But giving up or rights should never require giving up of self-respect. Relationships should never destroy your identity. If you can’t be yourself in a relationship, it isn’t a relationship, it’s an arrangement. Arrangements are business decisions. Relationships are emotional, rational decisions.

The title of this post leaves the word ‘god’ in lower case letters. There is a reason for that. I believe that God, as creator of the universe, is the Master Relationship Builder. We, as his followers, must learn from Him about relationships because any other source of relationship building is fallible. When people play ‘god’ in relationships they are doomed to failure.

One dictionary definition of relationship is the state of being interrelated. That’s a big help! What does that mean? The state of being interrelated…further investigation. To be interrelated means to have a mutual or reciprocal relation. AH! That gives light. Mutual and reciprocal are the keys to relationship.

Relationship then must be a state of being in which the persons involved both receive benefits from being there. In other words, relationships are situations in which both persons are fulfilled by being in contact, or communion with the other party.

There are many things that can destroy relationships, but I think they can be narrowed down to one word, and that word is expectations. Expectations are feelings of anticipation for good things to come.

For a mom (and dad), it’s the ‘expectation’ that the baby inside her will be healthy, happy and bring the family great joy. For the athlete before the big game, it’s the hope that he/she will perform well and that victory will be in their grasp. For the actor/actress, it’s delivering the lines with such skill that the curtain call is met with whoops and hollers and a standing ovation.

In the same way, we enter into relationship with expectations of how it will be. Relationships rarely turn out the way we first hope they will. Soon, the ‘honeymoon’ is over and reality sets in. We take a hard look at what we have, and measure it according to our earlier hopes. If they don’t measure up, we have to make a choice.

That’s where the ‘playing god’ comes in, and when it does it can destroy relationship almost instantly. When we make ourselves ‘relational deity’ we do so in one of two ways. On the one hand we look at someone else’s relationship and say “They aren’t doing it right. To do relationship you have to do it this way…” (We mentally fill in all the blanks according to our own personal opinion)  We become the relationship police and enforce our brand of relationship on everyone else.

A second tendency is similar, and equally destructive. While the ‘relationship police’ measure other people’s relationships according to their own experience, the ‘relational analyst’ compares his/her relationship and decides if his/her relationship is right according to others. By the way, ever notice that the first four letters of analyst are A-N-A-L?

While both the ‘relational policeman’ and the ‘relational analyst’ can gain important knowledge by looking at others and comparing, the problem comes when they decide individually that they are right and everyone else is wrong…or at least lacking.

To gain a perspective of relationship take a look at Jesus. Set aside the fact that He is Son of God. Look instead at Him as a person.

Without looking too deeply here are a few things to think about:

v  He never forced ANYONE into a mold. He allowed everyone to have their own opinion of things without judgment.

v  Even when he knew he was right, he never ‘imposed’ his superior knowledge on anyone.

v  He allowed those around him to develop their own gifts at their own speed in their own time.

v  The only ones he openly accused were the religious people.

v  Physical needs came first. He never tried to solve a spiritual problem before a physical need was met.

v  To those who were hurting, he reminded them of His love and their forgiveness, NEVER their sin.

v  It was far easier for Him to heal physical blindness than spiritual blindness.

v  He never ever reacted to sinners in anger. (Pharisees, Lawyers and the self-righteous are excluded from this list.)

v  It didn’t matter how much you had. It only mattered that you gave Him according to your heart.

v  He was unaffected by what people thought of Him. He knew who He was and spent His time trying to show us who we are.

This isn’t an exhaustive, theological list. It’s a few things each of us should think about before we judge others for their faults and sins.

As I stated in an earlier entry, I grew up in a home and at a time when every family resembled the Walton’s or Cleavers. Meals were eaten together at the same time, and only before prayers of thanksgiving were given. Holidays were reserved for family first. Believe it or not, Thanksgiving used to be about family and eating and playing games. Football was a game played in the backyard with your cousins, not something watched on TV.

Looking back, I think I took that whole time in my life for granted. Everything was NOT perfect. No doubt about that. There were many issues in society that have changed for the better. But one thing that has suffered was learning how to do relationship.

One thing that did hurt relationship was the tendency to apply a ‘one size fits all’ philosophy to how we live and love together. Hundreds of books have been written about the ‘perfect marriage’. Tests have been written that ‘guarantee our compatibility’. Thousands of dollars have been spent on therapy to try to ‘fix’ relationship.

It would seem we have two dramatic extremes in this regard. One the one hand we have the rigidity of legalism that says you have to “Do A, B & C” to succeed. If you follow this simple formula, success and happiness will follow. Every frog will become a prince upon the first kiss. Every glass slipper will lead us to our prince/princess. Every yellow brick road eventually leads home. Were life a fairy tale and God created us as robots relationships would certainly be more predictable and fulfilling.

On the other end of the spectrum are those who preach free love and open relationships. There are no boundaries. Commitment is based on feelings and not on integrity. Fulfillment is measured by what makes ME feel good at the expense of everyone else.

Healthy relationships fall somewhere in between these extremes. My observation is that well-balanced, healthy relationships are few and far between. The defining characteristic of a healthy relationship is selflessness.

Selflessness is dangerous and can not be practiced alone. Selflessness practices solo doesn’t make a relationship, it makes an arrangement. In a relationship, both parties benefit from the situation. In an arrangement, only one party benefits from the situation. The danger in arrangements is that they can easily lead to emotional, physical or sexual abuse. The dominant party becomes more demanding. Even if the demands are met, they don’t guarantee fulfillment. As a result, the demands become increasingly forceful and the ‘arrangement’ more fragile.

No relationship is perfect because none of the parties are perfect. It’s when we seek the perfect relationship that life becomes dangerous. The danger becomes in comparing my relationship with yours, or when you tell me EXACTLY what I need to do to ‘fix’ my relationship. Unless you can climb into my skin and see my pain, you can’t fix me. Relationship is NOT ‘One size fits all’.